Why I didin't seek help? (Also why I seek help)

by - June 22, 2019

Hello everyone.

First time, I'm sorry to update this blog with this.
There's something serious that I can't say in main web because it too honest to say (I can write in tumblr private corner, but it's too important). But I think it's important to say for now. This title come from many people who find themselves "broken" but didn't seek help and tell their stories in social media. Some people perceived them as "attention seeker" and many others give online hug. Those people definitely have their own reason. But their story remind me with myself, who struggling to be better when i have big frustration around my academic life (resulted with my bad reputation along with lecturer also bad value).

People reason that my problem is what they see : I often late and didn't do task much. But my actual reason is : I didn't get what I need in academic. What I see there is just too much competition (until hard to get teach to a diligent friend how to make research draft), theory centrist learning style that make them just cite a part of book (or ethical code) but not see any relevance, discussion that only around what the example and other things, lack in speaking practice (only something like tester script) and last thing : they not even make me see the psychology world with different perspective. Social media, blog, and journal article do better than lecture itself.

And here's reason why I didn't seek help for this issue (even with close friend and those lecturer) :

  1. Almost no one that understand this problem than my mom. Although I gonna tell the story to other lecturer or friend, they just see the problem that they see outside or just tell me to have more spirit and motivation little bit (it's not the problem you know!). Plus many lecturer not that see me as "good standard student" things and just say "lecture is important! why you don't think that way" when I say that I get bored with those lecture.
  2. Almost no use explaining anything, not only because i didn't good enough in explaining but they'll never see those things with another perspective than "usual people perspective". And they ended say some words like "you didn't even have empathy, you just a lazy and pathetic person" etc. 
  3. I'm aware that I can't be a person who didn't care what people said, especially when people start to cornered me and many things that they said is true. Some people will say that I'm such a coward when they didn't know that It's hard to didn't listen to people at world where people expectation is needed for make job and salary easier.
  4. Some people (lecturer frequently say this) just think that I just aim-people-to-just-undertsand-me and I just keep-making-excuse-for-what-i'm-lacking.
  5. They (some people who didn't know me at organization or other setting) will never see my change (i don't ever care for appreciation now, I know I'm lacking), even I already change my learning way they'll just say you're-not-even-changed-you-just-a-lazy-later-and-person-who-like-to-make-excuse.

I think that's all. But there's still a chance that I'll seek help. Here's why :

  1. Better understanding about people. Some people that I meet make me feel comfort and make me understand human more. I'll seek help to them.
  2. See how my job later turn be. I see many psychologists, and also special kids specialist and take one or two word from them.
  3. I'll seek help only if the problem have clear setting (ex. organizational problem) and not problem that arrives from my frustration. Somehow, my friends word for such one problem is applicable for other problem as well.
  4. When I think the problem have disturbed my life entirely (all, not only in one aspect like now), It's the time for me to seek psychologist.
. . .

Somehow, some people will throw their problem over social media so their emotional burden lessen a bit. Any social media can do (but I see my circle frequently rant about their life in Instagram Story and Twitter). Rant about your life there means that your problem become public (although not going viral). Blog about that (like now) is also (I'm sure the readers is not much lol). Rant in WhatsApp Status also resulted in family rage (if you didn't exclude them from looking your status). It's one of reason why I need courage and time to tell problems in public and why I didn't tell public all details about them (Some of them need to be privacy).

I think that's all for today. I'm really tired for all of this, really.



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